Story of the Week
When I was seven, I remember a very specific situation that changed the way I thought about others, and it happened while I was in the Philippines.
My mom is from the Philippines, and we were in Manila visiting some family. One evening at the hotel during dinner, we were treated to a live band singing a wide variety of popular songs.
During the set, the band went around the audience asking for requests. When they reached our table, everyone turned to me and urged me to ask for a song. Being a shy kid, I didn’t want to do it, but they all insisted. They thought it would be cute for the little kid in the room to get a song played for him.
Finally mustering up the courage, I made my request:
“Born in the U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen.”
Looking back, it was a bit unfair of me to ask a live band in the Philippines to perform a song about being born in the U.S.A. However, it was a very popular song in the U.S. at the time and was on repeat in my household. My dad was a huge Bruce Springsteen fan and we had just purchased the tape.
It’s a great song, but naturally, the band didn’t know how to play it. Of all the requests that evening, mine was the only song that went unplayed. I remember bursting into tears, right there at the dinner table. I vividly recall the band feeling so sorry they couldn’t help that they even came to us afterward to apologize. I felt horrible about that.
I don’t know exactly why I cried, and I’m sure it came across as rather bratty. The story does pop up from time to time when my parents and I get together, but I also remember how it made me feel.
I began to feel that it wasn’t worth the risk of disappointment to ask for things anymore. This is why I grew up very independent and likely to just figure things out on my own.
I also felt like I was a potential burden to others, not wanting to make people feel bad if they didn’t have the time or didn’t know how to help.
As I write this out, it actually explains a lot about how I grew up and why, when I became an entrepreneur in 2008, I was so conditioned to believe that asking for help was bad that I refused to do it.
But here’s the twist: as entrepreneurs, the ability to ask for help is not just beneficial — it’s essential. The belief that we must do everything on our own can be our biggest obstacle. We fear being seen as weak or incompetent, but in reality, asking for help shows strength and wisdom.
Over the years, I discovered something surprising and wonderful: people actually want to help. When you allow them to lend a hand, they often feel great about it too. It creates a sense of connection and mutual support that benefits everyone involved.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned over the years:
- Reframe Your Perspective: Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a strategic move. Recognize that everyone needs support, and seeking assistance is a way to grow and succeed faster.
- Understand the Balance: There’s a difference between being needy and being proactive. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re taking advantage of others; it means you value collaboration and recognize the expertise of others.
- Create a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with people who understand your journey. Build relationships where giving and receiving help is natural and encouraged.
- Offer Help in Return: When you ask for help, be ready to offer assistance in return. This creates a balanced and reciprocal relationship, making it easier to ask for help when you need it.
- Practice and Reflect: Start small. Ask for help in low-stakes situations to build your comfort level. Reflect on these experiences and learn from them.
Remember, every successful entrepreneur has had help along the way. Embracing this can unlock new opportunities and growth for you.
So, the next time you find yourself hesitating to ask for help, think back to my story. Remember, while the fear of disappointment is real, the potential for growth and success is far greater. Don’t let the fear of asking hold you back from achieving your dreams.
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