Story of the Week
Why Your Brain Treats Sales Like a Physical Threat
Here's what's actually happening when you're about to ask someone to buy from you: UCLA neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman discovered that social rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain.
Your brain literally can't tell the difference between someone saying no to your offer and being physically hurt.
This explains why asking for money feels so visceral and why advice like "just get over it" doesn't work. You're not being dramatic — you're experiencing a genuine neurological response designed to keep you safe.
But here's the thing: Your brain is overreacting. It’s treating a sales conversation like a life-or-death situation.
The Three Big Lies Your Brain Tells You About Selling
Lie #1: "I'm being pushy and annoying."
This comes from what psychologists call the spotlight effect — our tendency to dramatically overestimate how much others judge our actions. The truth? When you offer a genuine solution to someone's problem, you're being helpful, not pushy.
Lie #2: "They'll definitely say no."
Stanford researcher Frank Flynn (no relation to me) found that we consistently underestimate people's willingness to say yes by 50-100%. We assume rejection is the default when, in reality, people buy things they need from people they trust.
Lie #3: "This will ruin our relationship."
Actually, successful transactions often strengthen relationships. When someone pays you for value and sees a great result, they feel good about the exchange. You've solved their problem and they've supported your business — it's a win-win.
The Sales Reframe
Understanding this science allows us to flip the script entirely:
- Instead of thinking, "I'm bothering them with a sales pitch," try, "I'm offering a solution to their problem."
- Instead of, "They'll think I'm just trying to make money," remember, "They want their problem solved more than they want to keep their money."
- Instead of, "This will make things weird between us," consider, "This could be the start of a valuable business relationship."
The Simple Sales Formula That Works
Here's how to make asking for money easier:
- Lead with their problem: Start the conversation by focusing on their challenge, not your solution.
- Be specific about the outcome: Saying, "I can help you get more organized," is too vague. Try, "I can help you create a system to manage your emails in just 30 minutes a day." It’s clear and actionable.
- Make it easy to say no: Phrases like, "If this isn't a fit, no worries at all," remove pressure and paradoxically make people more comfortable saying yes.
- Price it fairly: Charge enough that you're motivated to deliver great results, but not so much that it feels risky for them.
Your Sales Challenge
This week, practice asking for money with the science on your side:
- Choose someone who has a problem you can genuinely solve.
- Remind yourself that your fear is real but not rational — a "no" won't actually hurt you.
- Remember that people buy solutions to problems they care about.
- Focus on their outcome, not your income.
- Make the offer and notice that your relationship survives, regardless of their response.
The more you practice selling, the more you'll prove to your brain that it's safe. Each conversation — whether it results in a sale or not — builds confidence for the next one.
Remember: People want their problems solved more than you think. Rejection hurts less than you fear. And successful transactions strengthen relationships more often than they damage them.
Here's to asking with confidence!
